The New Member (Part 2)

It was day two and the newest temporary member, Christie Sweetie Sakura Rosa Cuppycake Nitaka, has about thirty eight death sentences. So far she's snuck into Deidara's bed to 'cuddle' with him, has an idea in her head that they're going to one day run away and get married, and had been so rude to Sasori that she's just ASKING to be dissected.

The girl has also been going on about how everyone is falling in love with her and that Konan is jealous.
Where she got that idea is something even I don't know. And I'm the fucking NARRATOR for Christ's sake!

"Hidan, I'm beginning to wonder if this girl is a criminal at all." Kakuzu said to his partner as they both were in their room (thankfully untouched by the... Thing). Hidan looked up to him, then rolled his eyes, "You just now noticed that?! I mean, come on! The damn chick says she's all evil, but I only see a spoiled little bitch. Hell, she even said she was a Jashinist. I asked her the commandments, but she 'forgot' them. No true follower forgets the SACRED COMMANDMENTS OF JASHIN!!"

"Hidan, will you shut up. I'm trying to look through my bingo cards to see if she's a criminal. If she is, then I'll kill her and get my bounty." Kakuzu replied without looking to Hidan. Hidan was about to protest, but then stopped. "... You know, I'm actually okay with that for once. But, I'm not helping. I'll just watch Deidara get screwed over by that lying little heathen."
With that said, Hidan got up from where he was relaxing and went to the main room.

[In the main room]

"GET OFF OF ME, HM!!"
"But Dei-Samaaaaa~! I'm coooold~!"

Right when he walked in, Hidan was greeted by Deidara seeming to be sexually harassed by Christie Sweetie Sakura Rosa Cuppycake Nitaka. That's when Hidan proceeded to cackle at his demise. "HIDAN, WILL YOU BE USEFUL FOR ONE DAMN TIME IN YOUR LIFE AND PRY THIS THING OFF OF ME, HMM?!" Deidara snapped at him. Christie just looked to Hidan.

"Sorry, Hidan-San... But Deidara-Sama and I are going to be a married couple. He agreed to it-"
"I DIDN'T AGREE TO SHIT, HM!!"
"-and we will run away and have a family-"
"WHAT THE HELL?!"
"-and our lives together will be filled with-"
"SHUT UP ALREADY, HM!"
"-love and happiness!"
If it were possible to die from laughter, then Hidan has died about ten times already.

"Will you shut up, Deidara?"

Due to the constant screaming, Hidan's madman laughter, and that annoying ass lolita voice coming from the temporary member, Sasori had come in to get everyone to shut the fuck up. The only problem was..
He forgot to put on Hiruko beforehand.

And now Christie got an eyeful of what he really looked like. A sexy little prettyboy.
She now had let go of Deidara and was performing the pink background genjutsu on her and Sasori. "Who are you..?", she asked.
He just stayed silent. Deidara just gave him a sly smile and said, "He's the 'old guy' you kept making fun of. He just uses that appearance for protection, hm. Oh, his name's Sasori."

Christie Sweetie-oh god I'm not saying her full name anymore- gasped. "Oh. My. GAWD. Are you serious?!", she asked Deidara, then looked back to Sasori. "He's...", she whispered, "Like a butterfly... So beautiful... So hot and smexy... He came out of his ugly shell..."
Sasori glared at her.
"SASORI-SAMAAA~!!"

Christie then leapt onto Sasori and practically tackled him to the ground.
"GET OFF OF ME!"
"No, Sasori-Sama... I don't want to be alone..."
This time, both Hidan AND Deidara were laughing their asses off. If he could, Sasori would be killing Deidara at the moment. Unfortunately for him this crazy girl was all over him. He couldn't even summon his favorite puppet to do Iron Sand Release on them all. That's when Christie did the unthinkable.

The chick kissed him smack on the lips. It wasn't even a short one. It lasted for about a minute with Christie looking like she was attempting to eat the poor guy's face.

Deidara was now laughing even harder when he saw his best friend flailing around, trying to break free. Mixed in with the muffled attempts of swears directed at Deidara from Sasori, it just made it better. Finally, he pushed her to the ground. If looks could kill, Sasori would have started the fucking Armageddon.

And now... Hidan, Deidara, and Christie now were going to witness the rare moment when Sasori loses his cool.

"DEIDARA, I DO NOT CARE IF YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE I SEEM TO TOLERATE OR IF I AM NOT ALLOWED TO DO SO TO FELLOW MEMBERS, I WILL HOLLOW YOU OUT AND ADD YOU TO MY COLLECTION; AND IF YOU TRY TO FLEE, I WILL TRACK YOU DOWN, FOR YOU CANNOT ESCAPE FATE YOU BRAT!!"

Hidan was surprised. He had never seen Sasori blow his top. He seriously thought he had no emotions to begin with. Deidara, on the other hand, knew about his rare temper. Sasori CLAIMS to have no emotions anymore, but once in a blue moon the guy snaps. He just didn't think that telling this girl who the guy in front of him was so he could finally have peace...
Now that he thought about it, that would set Sasori off easily after what he's seen happen to him.
Oops.

Deidara gave him a nervous smile. "S-Sasori, my man, you r-really don't mean all that, hm..?", he stammered.

Sasori drew out his puppet scroll.

"... Hahahaha, you're funny! R-Really funny, my man! Go on, put that away..."

He started to unravel it.

"S-Sasori..?"

He then-
"SASORI-SAMAAA~!!
Was tackled to the ground a SECOND time by Christie.

"Sasori-Sama, I dun want you to ever leave my side! We were meant for each other! Your tsundere attitude doesn't fool me! I'm, like, a genius that sees through everything~!"
She then squeezed Sasori so hard that he couldn't even move, the intoxicating smell of too much bad perfume starting to catch on to him.

The worst part?
Pein walked into the room right as this was happening. The leader simply stared at the scene before him. "I have decided which room the temporary member shall be in tonight.", he stated. Pein turned to Hidan. "She shall be in you and Kakuzu's room, for I fear the safety of some of our strongest members."

Deidara, on the other hand, felt as if he had his life spared. Sasori truthfully felt the same way, but didn't really show the relief. Even though they were in the clear, it wouldn't be long before this chick had to spend a night in their room... Their art would be in danger.

Christie gave the most annoying whining sound. "But Pein-Samaaa..", she groaned, "I'll be, like, totally fine!"
He sighed. "I was not talking about you. I was talking about Deidara and Sasori. Now if you excuse me, I must be going."
With that said, Pein left the room. Hidan glared at Christie, flipped her off, then went to tell Kakuzu the bad news.

[Back in Kakuzu and Hidan's room...]

"Kakuzu, we're fucking screwed." Hidan said as soon as he walked in. Kakuzu looked up from his bingo book. "If it's something idiotic, then I have no interest.", he said and put the bingo book away. "Well," Hidan began, looking extremely annoyed, "That bitch Christie Shitty What-The-Fuck-Ever is in our room the first night.
That got Kakuzu's attention.

In a bad way.

He glared at him, then replied, "If this is a joke, then I will personally severe your head."
"It's the damn truth."

Hidan then remembered what Kakuzu said before he left to see Deidara's misfortune revert to Sasori's. "Is she a criminal?"
Kakuzu sighed and shook his head. "No. She isn't worth one hundred ryo. Or, that's what I think. She doesn't even have a profile.", he said solemnly.

"Are you fuckin' kidding me?"
"I wish I were. In other words, she's a nobody that is completely useless."
"Then why the hell is she here?!"
"I really have no idea. However, Pein said he was going to call a meeting with the official members to explain why this annoying brat is here."

Hidan gave Kakuzu a puzzled look. "Why wasn't I told about this?"
"Because you were busy napping. It was amazing that I could still hear him talk over your snoring."