You eagerly awaited the new arrival of what was called the 'Homestuck Pre-scratch Troll Bundle'. Oh god, you can't believe you had actually claimed the only one! Amazing! It was limited. Limited, as in only two in the entire world. It was pretty much a first come-first serve. And you went to the page as soon as it was released. What did you do? You fucking bought one of the two. When you got the notice about it, you nearly pissed yourself.
You've totally memorized what it had said:
'Congratulations, _______ _______!
You have officially received the Alpha Troll Pack (Male Edition)! The pack includes the following trolls:
And Kurloz Makara!
The second pack containing the six other trolls apart of the Alpha Troll Pack has already been claimed. But, you still have these six!
But, keep this in mind, _______...
What you are going to receive is extremely valuable. You must not, under ANY circumstances, mistreat these. They are extremely important and must be treated with upmost care as you would an infant. These trolls contained in the pack you shall receive are so valuable, you would not imagine.
Well, I'm pretty sure you'll see why once you get the pack and open it right up!
Hope you enjoy it when it comes!
You were now waiting by your mailbox.
According to when you ordered, the pack should be arriving today. Oh, you couldn't wait to see what it was! That notice seemed like it was the big deal. If only you could of gotten the girls, too... Just then, a UPS truck drove by and...
Went right past your address.
Maybe it was going to be delivered by FedEx or something? All you wanted was to get it ASAP.
You continued to wait a bit longer.
After a while, you had retreated to looking up at the sky and making up pictures in the clouds.
Duck... Boat... Kernelsprite...
Just then, you heard some sort of ring. Looking down, you saw… Some guy riding on a salmon colored tricycle holding a box with some holes in it. He had a coat with a hood on, so you couldn't exactly see his face. "Hey... _______, right? You're the one who ordered the Male Alpha Troll Pack?" he asked.
This guy... Was the delivery guy? Well, that's a pretty... Eccentric way of delivering. You nodded. "Yeah, that's right.", you replied. He handed you the box. "Okay then. Here's the pack. Just don't play house with them or some shit. They're not dolls. Plus, only I can do that. They ARE mine to begin with and always will be."
This guy was sort of confusing you. "Um... Okay, I won't." you answer. "By the way... Who are y-"
"That's classified information. Now if you excuse me, I gotta get going. I'm a busy guy."
With that said, he peddled away on the tricycle.
... That was really creepy. Who was that guy and why the hell was he riding a tricycle? He seemed like he was thirty or something. Totally weird.
You decided to forget that even happened and walked back inside your house and into your room.
Once you shut the door, you placed the box down on the floor. As you were about to open it, you saw that a note was sticking on the top of it. Taking it off, you began to read it.
'Do not give these away to your friends to have.
Do not show anybody else.
Do not let anyone in where they are being kept.
Do not abuse them. That's my job.
They are now yours, but will always be mine.
Wow. That's deep. You laid the note on top of your bed, then opened up the box. Once you peered inside, you could see them. Kankri, Kurloz, Cronus, Mituna, Horuss, and Rufioh. All inside. Grinning, you decided to take Kankri out first. As you grabbed him around the torso, he seemed to have a horrified expression.
"Human! I request you release me this moment! This is extremely triggering in so many ways that I cannot explain! Lifting up another being into the sky against their will is HIGHLY triggering! Possibly one of the highest triggers I have ever experienced, no pun intended."
You almost dropped him to the ground out of amazement. Did he just... Was he... "Oh my god..." you whisper. You carefully set him down onto the carpet of your room. Kankri crossed his arms.
"That is an extremely rude way of a first introduction, human. Allow me to educate on how to properly introduce yourself with my example, which you will hopefully learn from."
He stood up tall. "My name is Kankri Vantas. A pleasure to meet you. Now, it is your turn. Introduce yourself like I did in this example."
You were simply stunned.
Kankri Vantas. THE Kankri Vantas just lectured you. "U-Uh..."
"Come on, chief. Don't go on preaching to her." said another voice. Apparently, the mini-Cronus had just crawled out of the box. Which made you even more freaked out then you already were.
That's when an orange butterfly flew out--wait. "Hey... I'm Rufioh... What's your name?"
You couldn't even make a sound. All you could do was try to make imaginary words with your mouth gaping like a fish. This wasn't happening...
You felt something tap you on the leg. You slowly peered down to see what or who it was...
You saw Kurloz Makara looking up back at you, grinning. You both stared at each other, him keeping his creepy grin unmoving while your face was probably turning as white as his was already.
"MY TURN!! IT'STH MY TURNNN!!!"
You looked back to the box and saw Mituna trying to climb over the edge of it like the others did.
Unfortunately, the box tipped over and he tumbled to the floor. He was now freaking out all over the place and trying to get up. Hesitantly, you reached over and helped his tiny self up with your hand. He bolted behind Kurloz and started shivering like crazy, stealing some glances at you.
Last, but not least, Horuss came out. He looked up at you, then smiled. "Hello there, human. Would you like to hear a funny joke?"
This was way too much for you to process.
"I'll take that as a yes. A hoofbeast was galloping across a valley, when it seemed to knock over something..."
Way. Too. Fucking. Much.
"... The hoofbeast curiously inspected it, and found it to be a shellbeast..."
Is this even...
"... The shellbeast looked up to the hoofbeast and said 'thank you, hoofbeast, you helped me from my back!'"
Oh, I don't know...
"... And the hoofbeast replied, 'TROT a problem'!"
The rest of the mini-trolls stared at Horuss. "... That had to be one of the corniest horse jokes I'vwe evwer heard from you. Wvhich is pretty much all of them." Cronus replied at Horuss' really bad pun. You would of agreed if you weren't so freaking speechless.
You heard footsteps coming to your room. Oh god, if your family saw them... You quickly gathered them all up, dumped them back into the box, sealed it again, and pushed it under your bed.
Emily, your younger sister came into the room. "_______! It's dinner! Time for dinner!" she said in her cute, seven year old sing-song voice. You quickly nodded, "U-uh. Yea-ah. I'll be there in a s-sec."
She gave you a confused look. Right then, the box started moving and thumping. "_______, what's in there?" Emily asked. You thought fast, "It's a new toy! I ordered it for myself. It moves a lot and can say stuff! But, I still need to... Find a place to put it!"
"You can put it in my room! Then I can play with it too!"
You shook your head violently. "No no, I can find a place for it in here. Plus, it's a big kid toy. Thanks anyway, Emily!"
Emily looked a little disappointed, then shook it off. "Come on, _______! I'm hungry! Let's go!"
She then left the room.
After you knew she was gone, you scrambled and got the box out again. You dumped all the trolls out onto the carpet once you reopened it. "Okay, first, sorry about that. My name's _______. And it looks like I own you little guys now. Don't complain right now, I'll listen to your complaints later. Right now, I gotta go."
You pushed the group under the bed. "Now, you guys stay under here until I get back. If my parents or my sister find you, you'll probably be killed or thrown out or be used as fashion models for Barbie clothes."
With that all said, you hurried down to the dining room for dinner.